23rd and Spaulding

23rd and Spaulding had a pretty good rotation of inhabitants while we lived there. Of course it started out with me and Nate. Chicago began with me and Nate, he arrived on another bus days after I did, being thrown into the city exhausted with his life on his back. We found our first place together, after an unbelievable 48 hour apartment search.

It was January and we didn't have heat or hot water for about 2 weeks. Beds? Air mattresses from KMart. Food? peanut butter and ramen noodles. It was kinda miserable, but we made it home. I found a job first, at a fucking jimmy Johns. Nate soon found one at Dunkin' Donuts.

After a long cold winter, Chris joined the family. Somehow he became our problem after his old roommates kicked him out, and we quickly figured out why. He had no job, no motivation to find a job, and a long list of fuck buddy's who for some unknown reason would pay his way everywhere, so he ate better than us.

Joe moved in soon after Chris. He was Nate's daddy bear boyfriend, who quickly became everyones "Dad". And he hated Chris, because Chris was using us all. He finally gave the kid a much needed ultimatum. Get a job and show us proof (in the form of a pay check and some cash in MY hand) or leave. He lied, made up a bullshit job, screwed me over cause I was counting on $100 from him toward rent, and got the boot.

Nate's other boyfriend, Arron came in Chris's place, and Joe broke it off and moved back to the burbs. There was so much drama last summer. I stopped trying to keep it all straight (not that there was ANYthing straight about that place) because the lines between who was fucking who had basically become a giant knot. Throw in the hookups I would bring home, and the amount of fucking (and drinking, and snorting, and smoking...) that went on in that apartment was mind boggling.

A lot of growing up went on in that place too, especially on my part. I was 22 and moving out of my moms house. There was always food, I didn't pay rent, I didn't have any responsibilities. I suddenly found myself sleeping on an air mattress, in an apartment with no furniture, trying to figure out how I was going to eat for the next 5 days till a paycheck with the $8 and change in my worn out pocket.

Joe asked me once why I did it, why I moved to Chicago with nothing and put myself in this situation. "Because I had to get out of there." I told him.

Because I was fighting with my mom everyday, and getting kicked out of her house every other week. She would tell me I needed to get my shit together or find another place to live, So I would take off for a few days. I'd throw some clothes in my bag, and take off in my car. Usually I would smoke some weed, hang at a friends house for a while and find a couch (or floor) to crash on, or sleep in my car. After a couple of days I would go back home, usually for clothes or because I knew my mom was working and it was safe to hang low for a few hours. Most of the time I would go home in the middle of the night and go back to my bed eventually, and in the morning mom would be all apologetic and tell me I could stay. I knew it would only happen so many times though, and eventually I would be kicked out for real.

And I had no responsibility or motivation. I was a 22 year old college drop out, living rent free at my moms, and working at a grocery store. I was going to punk shows, and smoking weed on rooftops, popping pills to go to the club and getting wasted every night. It was the fucking good life, and I had to get out while I could. Because the weed and the muscle relaxers, and the percs and vicodin was coming way too easily, and I was feeling too little, and I was forgetting how to be sober.

Maybe I was running away, maybe I was saving myself, I dont really know. I got out though, and It's something different now, but I haven't figured out yet if its any better. Theres still shows, and walking down the street drinking Jack from the bottle with a joint in the other hand, and theres blow, and E. But im on my own now. If I fuck it up its all on me, cause there's no one else to save me here.