another year, more failure

So it's 2009. I've been in Chicago for 2 years now, and I'm starting over again. It seems like every time I think I have found the lowest point in my life, the ground sinks again. And every time it gets a little harder to climb back out.

I lost my job in the middle of November, just before Thanksgiving, and I'm still unemployed. I guess I should consider myself lucky in some ways, because things are changing for the better, but it doesn't really feel that way. I'm going back to school, and my mom is covering my tuition, but having better job opportunities in the future doesn't fix the now. I'm getting unemployment benefits, but being able to pay rent doesn't keep me fed or pay for books. I have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in, but having the basics for survival doesn't make life feel worthwhile.

So I'm struggling everyday to make it through. Once again, I'm living on a diet of Ramen, bread and peanut butter and feeling guilty for spending more than $15 a week on food. Somehow cigarettes are a more important expense. And most importantly I'm trying to find a job. Not an easy task when getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day. It seems easier to just hide under the blankets all day than to go out into the world and be rejected again and again.

Soon some of that will change though. I will have school to get me out of bed, at least it will 3 days a week. And a job will happen. It has to. Unemployment benefits only last for so long.