Creating my own Gender

I feel like everytime I update this blog, I have a new Identity. So I guess it should be no surprise that once again, it's changed. I guess in many ways I still identify as genderqueer, or neither-sexed, but I feel like I'm moving away from that and feeling more trans lately. It's definitly an evolving, complicated, and sometimes confusing process toward ultimately identifying as male.

I am Trans. I can say it out loud with out freaking out now. I'm also moving forward toward transitioning, while still struggling with staying who I actually am, and maintaining a queer identity. I bind my chest everyday now, have began to change my name and have asked people to call me Kyle and use male pronouns with me, and so far it's not nearly as scary as I thought. My friends have been amazing so far and have agreed to use my preferred name.

So now what? Research. Lots of research. I found an alternate method to transition without Testosterone injections that I'm interested in trying, called Natural Transitioning (NT) that seems like a good fit for me.

The main idea behind NT is that EVERYONE (females included!) produce testosterone, and there are ways to increase the amount produced through diet, exercise and suplements. I'ts basic body building.

Diet- Lots of foods will help to increase testosterone, so step one is to modify my diet to include lots of these foods. Garlic, green leafy vegetables, avocado, cabbage, white meat chicken and turkey, salt water fish, eggs, whole grains like oatmeal and quinoa. Also, the higher your body fat percentage is the more estrogen is produced, so I'm trying to eat as low fat as possible, and also trying to cut out refined sugars so no more soda, white bread, and white rice.

Weight training- As I mentioned earlier, higher body fat = increased estrogen production, so upping the cardio and adding in some more weight training excercises to build more muscle mass. Because men typically have broader shoulders and more squared torso's than women, gaining muscle in the upper arms, shoulders and chest, while also workig the ab muscles (especially sides... it that the obliques?) will give a more typical male appearance in terms of curves and body shape.

Supplements- This is the big one. So I've got the diet that focuses on testosterone increases foods and lowers body fat, I'm getting into a workout routine to work my upper body more, but that will only get me so far. Supplements are what really makes the big difference.
-ZMA- zinc, magnesium and b-6 in precise amounts that will work together to increase testosterone.
-Tribulus Terrestris- stimulates the anterior pituitary to produce LH (luteinizing hormone) which is responsible for "telling" your body to produce testosterone.
-DHEA- stimulate hair growth and deepens voice. Side effects can include increased temper and acne among other fun things, but so do the Testosterone injections that most trans guys use.
Fish oil- among other benefits, works as a mood stablilizer to help controll mood swings caused by increased Testoserone levels, and helps you focus your ADD.
Milk thistle- prevents and repairs liver damage, and is very important when taking supplements as many of them are processed in the liver.

So thats my plan. From what I have read, the results are not nearly as quick or "good" as injections, but I'm ok with that. I don't feel the need to completely pass all the time and be as masculine as possible in order to identify as male. I don't need to erase all traces of my female past to feel comfortable with myself and become who I feel I truly am. I feel like this process will be right for my queer identity, to make me appear even more androgenous than I am now, and for now thats enough.

Another reason why I like this plan over T injections... Typically injections are once every 2-4 weeks. This means that you get a huge boost of testosterone into your system right when you get the shot, then it slowly drops over the next couple weeks to a low point and then next shot BAM! huge boost again. That kind of hormonal roller coaster can really mess with your mood. NT however is a very slow daily increase. Its consistant, steady resulting in fewer mood swings and dips in T levels.